HAPPINESS IS..BUT A CHOICE!

February 5, 2013 at 9:45am

It ‘pains’ when happiness of any kind is questioned by those who do not understand it or have not seen enough of it.There is not enough of it in the World and trying to shadow happiness, questioning happiness, belittling happiness, calling it names, doubting happiness indicates a ‘way of life’ not quite happy in itself…But ‘happiness’ is as much a dream like any other..happiness is as much a destination as any other…

What is this happiness and why is it so rare to find?? Is there a method to happiness? Is there a definition?

Life brings all kinds of experience but the choice to ‘allow’ any experience to become a matter of unhappiness can be a conscious choice..though we accept every experience as an ultimate happening…weighing towards the sad side of life..Allowing that experience to define our minds as if that is the ‘only’ reality..failing to see ‘beyond’ and ‘above’..even though the Human Being possesses ‘functionality’, ‘discernability’ and choices..we do not make a choice to be happy…Often life is unfair, people are mean, unjust and un benevolent..Often God does not listen when you need him most and friends vanish when help is required. Often your closest people find ways to obstruct your way for the most frivolous reasons..Often you face what you feel you do not deserve…Often the World is harsh and often ‘happiness’ is the biggest ‘trade off’ that life has to exchange for living…Often we ‘ place’ pain as the biggest hurdle to happiness ..Pain causes unhappiness, but inspite of that, we can choose to not let that happen…Then the World is suffering, we pain to see a suffering World but we continue to remain ‘sad and gloomy’..Inspite of all this I suggest, we say..SO WHAT!!

Everyone says, you must be happy but no one tells ‘where’ to find this happiness..It’s quite simple..happiness is our own perception of the World..Our reactions to the existence of nature, its creations and its experiences..Is it not then a ‘choice of sorts’..Let us take a look at it..Nature remaining constant…All we have to deal with is ‘our own experiences’ and define them in ways that serve us better…Yes, the outside involvement remains as a support system or a obstruction system,mental, emotional or physical…either way strengthening our own resolve to ‘be’ and to keep moving forward..We might fall, but we will get up..we can still define an experience..We might succeed and be elated..we can still define the experience..But we let the ‘Worldviews’ rule our views…And based on ‘Worldviews’ , we continue to define all that we see..

So, then happiness is quite a simple thing..One can ‘choose to happy’..Not that sadness does not exist, there is enough to be sad and there is probably not enough to be happy in the big picture..In this circumstance, life tells us that ‘Happiness is to be created, by ‘distorting’ reality and ‘recreating’ the same reality into something that can be called ‘happiness’ vis a vis self..It is never about outsiders, never about what they say or do..but ‘how’ you can maintain that state inspite of everything positive or negative..No praise or criticism causes happiness..It is your response to self when you are praised or criticized that causes happiness..Being a football of people’s opinions will never bring happiness.Likewise , opinions will never bring anyone down either and kick someone around..Again..I suggest ,we say ..SO WHAT!!

Happiness can be shared, not ‘explained’..to anyone..It is not about ‘expressing’ happiness, it is about your ‘commitment to yourself, loving your existence, the responsibility we have for our own well being”..for no one is under an obligation to bring happiness into our lives, except ourselves..And as it is so rare for people to make a conscious choice to remain in a state of happiness, it is also rare that people can fully relate to it..They probably do not know it..They see it as an ‘outside’ experience..fun, laughter, enjoyment and all the happy words..But ‘happiness’ is way bigger than all these things..These are just some of the expressions, can be experienced alone or with others…There are not many who choose consciously and somewhere there is also a sense of ‘appeal’ in being sad..as that has often been ‘awarded’ for being the ‘way of life’…that is also a ‘choice’ we have made..to make it a ‘way of life’..

Our body can be tuned into ‘happiness’..Heard of ‘thermostats’..yes, the body can be brought into that state..come what may, you will ‘find a way to find something positive in everything’..We need to consciously choose and allow nothing to ‘weed’ in the sadness..And the fun part, it turns around the worst conditions..you will always be able to find something positive in the most negative person or most negative talk..I manage to love my critics and naysayers as much as I can love my loved ones..I can see their positive sides too..

Interesting this thing called ‘Happiness’ ..Rare..but always a Choice..One thing is certain,happiness begets happiness, sadness begets sadness..The Choice is entirely OURS!!Keep Smiling, Keep Happy..Keep celebrating the good things in life..!Keep celebrating yourself ! Remember, you can be happy, just for yourself..irrespective of what the Worldview of that happiness is..!

GOOD WOMAN/BAD WOMAN…CONCUBINES NO MORE!

December 28, 2012 at 10:13am

Where does the problem lie?? Or is it a problem at all !!

The city woman has ‘raised’ the quality life for herself , stepping out of her comfort zone and testing her strengths..The New Woman is capable of fending for herself and does not necessarily live for a man or because of one…The last 20 years have seen a marked improvement in the way of life for a woman with education taking leaps in our country.

However, with the massive divide that we have now of big cities and the smaller places and villages, where a Woman’s sexuality has often been suppressed either as a matter of control or as a social norm, a REPLICA of modern woman in their understanding would be equated to the ‘lower’ woman. She remains in the mind of the majority of such men and people, a ‘Concubine’ who as a matter of right has to remain under a man’s control, for his appreciation, for his approval and dependent on him. The wives had a different place and a different responsibility.The ‘other’ stuff was the responsibility of the Concubine..The levels of respect were different ..In that mind, as he knows the ‘divide’ between women already exists..There is a good woman and there is a bad woman. In many ways it seems, that their condemnation of anything modern, more expressive sexually in women, in straightaway equated to that line of thought. 

The definitions are ‘existing’These segments remain in a state of ‘denial’ or even ‘understanding’ about the change that has already set in which is also setting the aspirations of the smaller town men and women and why not? They may not have the resources, they may not have the support but aspirations have set in. From the Village to the Cities, people have traveled, aspirations have traveled but the mindsets remain back there. And the ‘CONFLICT’ is so visible today..Then there is a ‘middle ground’ which has its foot in every place, in Indian culture, some values- not all, the comforts of the modern way of being, aspirations, films, TV  etal..who have neither moved upfront, nor are they fully in the background..They try to latch on to the ‘good’ everywhere, condemning what they feel is ‘bad’..sometimes just at convenience.Media has played a ‘definitive’ rolethere..Just as the Internet brought the World closer, Media has made different sides of India ‘VISIBLE’ to each other..The intention obviously was not what we are seeing today..but the IMPACT is now visible..

The ‘new’ side, which shows ‘new possibilities’ to people for themselves or their growth or their money condition is ‘obviously’ far more interesting vis a vis the ‘cultural’ aspects that we see as documentaries and forget.How many of us will go to a Theatre to watch a documentary on Indian culture..How many of us switch to a channel which is talking how great our country is..The answer is obvious ! The cities are looking for ways to de-stress and the smaller towns are aspiring for the same life, in the hope of betterment..That is ‘visible’ betterment for the human eye and mind.Let us not forget , we are a poor country, the rich and poor divide is only getting bigger.Anything, that will show a possibility will be received with much more ‘gusto’ than something which doesn’t. All talk of values therefore is pushed behind the scenes and physical takes over..Things are to be seen to be believed..THEY ARE BEING BELIEVED ! And when it goes wrong…

The big hue and cry about sex and the influence of films sounds overstretched. They would not be selling if we were not watching them.Every product today is sold by a Film Actor, majority of the advertisements are being endorsed by known faces.Every Reality Show on TV has people from all over the country lining up for that one opportunity and aspirations.To say the least some opportunities have been created and every person who has the courage to try must get those opportunities. Since when did films or media become sources of either education or knowledge? They were meant to be for fun and entertainment. Yes, they can influence a child’s mind, but does an ‘adult’ also remain an ‘impressionable’ mind? To some extent ,Yes, the uneducated mind has a higher probability too. Films show ‘flying’ cars, where does that happen, they show jumping of trains and planes, where does that happen, who on earth ever romances while singing on streets or in jungles..or does a jig and suddenly 100 supporting dancers appear from no where dancing to the same steps and the song, who hangs out of helicopters…:-) By the same logic, sex and romance is also a bit unreal..We have ‘accepted’ the unreal as real..instead of remaining ‘REAL’. Blaming ‘films’ is not the answer..Now with the internet, we should not be too bothered about them. Do they mirror society?? Not really, they potray the Pollyana, do people want to see reality?? No they don’t..People like to see fun, they want to have fun, they want to be entertainment and with other forms of finer entertainment, too expensive and people still being underexposed to them, Films are easier to watch and access. And they are fun, songs are fun, dances are so much fun, style is fun, trends are fun, catchphrases are fun..so why can we not have fun and sleep over them..Yes,they have to be socially responsible..In their World, their social responsibility is entertainment..Why does it work??? We don’t have enough FUN in real life?? There are too many judgments, too many do’s and dont’s ! Why can’t we ‘romance’ our own way???

A Car company spends millions to research and build a Car, but has a ‘swanky’ woman stand in front of it at the time of selling??? Why is that so??? Is it the ‘Concubine’ Mindset??? Is enjoyment of ‘that’ kind limited to ‘some’ kind of men and women???

At the moment, we do not have a ‘problem’, we are SOLVING a problem..Things have reached an ‘extreme’ from the Women’s perspective..and the ‘churning’ is on..the ‘transition’ is on..After this, we sure will have some changes, maybe not ‘all’ the solutions, but atleastsome..we will see ‘tangential impacts’ around us..awareness will increase..and work will begin to sensitize society..Society MAY REALIZE that WOMEN are not DEPENDENT on them, not in thought, not for the rest, that might cause an ‘upheavel’ in the World of men, maybe 🙂

Or is it, that the ‘beauty’ lies only in WOMEN..nowhere else ! That is a POWERFUL perspective !!! 🙂

A new monthly series in the UK’s The Guardian asks women in leadership to write an article on advice to their younger selves.  Cookery entrepreneur Hari Ghotra wrote in November 2014 that she is fulfilling her dream of bringing Indian food to the masses with an online Indian cookery school. “I would encourage my younger self to savour the good ones (experiences) and learn from the not so good ones (experiences).”  This is an excellent practice for all of us and it is especially helpful as a new years practice. Imagine that The Guardian has asked you to write the next article for their series.  How would you share your experiences with others in order to help them grow?  Thinking about how your story could help someone else is a wonderful way to help yourself take your own advice.

Looking back into the lives of our younger selves can bring about an understanding of the pitfalls that we keep tripping into over and over again. People magazine recently asked the U.S. first lady, Michelle Obama, if she could go back in time, what words of wisdom would she give to her younger self.  “If I could give my younger self just one piece of advice, it would be this: Stop being so afraid! That’s really what strikes me when I look back – the sheer amount of time I spent tangled up in fears and doubts that were entirely of my own creation,” said the First Lady.

The practice of going back can have one of two effects – it can either move you forward or it can hold you back.  When you look back, it is important to keep your focus forward.  Think of driving a car – looking in the rear view mirror on occasion, when you have already established your forward focus, increases your safety and your forward movement.  If, on the other hand, you look behind you while you are moving forward in a fashion that is haphazard or while you are trying to move into another lane, they you run the risk of swerving off course. It’s important to establish your forward movement first.  Take a moment and write out your vision for yourself. Write down three things you have done in the past week to move yourself towards that vision.  Then write down three things you have done in the past month and the six months and the past year to move yourself forward.  That will keep your focus straight ahead on the lane you want to be driving in.

First Lady Obama recalled a habit of doubting herself while entrepreneur Ghotra recounted that ups and downs in her past should be viewed as learning steps.  This new year’s take some time to see what lessons from your younger self can assist you in building the skills that will bring you success in your business.  How can you apply the lessons of your past to the plans you have for your future? Enjoy the trip back but remember to bring back only what you need to keep you moving forward.

People magazine recently asked the U.S. first lady, Michelle Obama, if she could go back in time, what words of wisdom would she give to her younger self.  “If I could give my younger self just one piece of advice, it would be this: Stop being so afraid! That’s really what strikes me when I look back – the sheer amount of time I spent tangled up in fears and doubts that were entirely of my own creation,” said the First Lady.

This is an excellent practice for all of us, especially as we crest into a new year.  Looking back can have one of two effects – it can either move you forward or it can hold you back.

Back and Forth

When you look back, it is important to keep your focus forward.  Think of driving a car – looking in the rear view mirror on occasion, when you have already established your forward focus, increases your safety and your forward movement.  If, on the other hand, you look behind you while you are moving forward in a fashion that is haphazard or while you are trying to move into another lane, they you run the risk of swerving off course. It’s important to establish your forward movement first.  Take a moment and write out your vision for yourself. Write down three things you have done in the past week to move yourself towards that vision.  Then write down three things you have done in the past month and the six months and the past year to move yourself forward.  That will keep your focus straight ahead on the lane you want to be driving in.

All Grown Up

A new monthly series in the UK’s The Guardian asks women in leadership to write an article on advice to their younger selves.  Cookery entrepreneur Hari Ghotra wrote in November 2014 that she is fulfilling her dream of bringing Indian food to the masses with an online Indian cookery school. “I would encourage my younger self to savour the good ones (experiences) and learn from the not so good ones (experiences).”

Looking back farther than just the year, into the lives of our younger selves can bring about an understanding of the pitfalls that we keep tripping into.  First Lady Obama recalled a habit of doubting herself while entrepreneur Ghotra recounted that ups and downs in her past should be viewed as learning steps.  This new year’s take some time to see what lessons from your younger self can assist you in building the skills that will bring you success in your business.  How can you apply the lessons of your past to the plans you have for your future? Enjoy the trip back but remember to bring back only what you need to keep you moving forward.

In order to accomplish your goals and your dreams, you must first know what they are!  You must know with unwavering certainty exactly what you want, where you see yourself, and where you want to be next year at this same time.  Often we have a general feeling – I wish I was in my dream job, I want to own my own business – only about what we want to be or do.  But then we feel discouraged that we aren’t there yet.  But where is there?  You must define and refine your goals.  What is your dream job? What business do you see yourself running? Name it.  Design it.  Create it on paper.  Know exactly what your goals are and keep them in front of you if you want to create the path to success.

In September 2014, Real Simple magazine asked readers to share what success means to them.  Being at peace was one of the top answers as proof that they were a success.  It is vital to your success that you experience both peace and motivation.  Both will keep you moving forward. Steve Harvey, comedian and author of the book Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success, has said that the ‘road to success is always under construction’. If you are waiting to arrive at your destination to feel peace, you may never get there, for as this quote implies, your success is always about your growing and moving forward.  Keep growing and your success will grow.  Learn to be at peace in the transitions, in the resting places, and in the leaps forward.  Your sense of peace that you are moving in the direction you should be going, comes from having those detailed goals.  That peace will motivate you to keep going forward.

Each New Year brings us the possibility of achieving our goals.  In truth, every day we have this same possibility to step into our dreams and make them a reality.  January simply reminds us of that daily opportunity, so take hold of it and move forward..  So yes, write your resolutions and make your goals. If you wait to start your business or step forward in your career until you are completely set financially or completely at peace, you may never start. For your business dreams to come to fullness, you need to have a plan.  That is the key to your success—have a plan and follow it to get you where you want to go.

Each New Year brings us the possibility of achieving our goals. In truth, every day we have this same possibility to step into our dreams and make them a reality. January simply reminds us of that daily opportunity. So yes, write your resolutions and make your goals. Here are three steps you can take to remember those goals each and every day of this year.

Accomplish Your Goals & Dreams

In order to accomplish your goals and your dreams, you must first know what they are! You must know with unwavering certainty exactly what you want, where you see yourself, and where you want to be next year at this same time. Often we have a general idea – I wish I was in my dream job, I want to own my own business – and we feel discouraged that we aren’t there yet. But where is there? You must define and refine your goals. What is your dream job? What business do you see yourself running? Name it. Design it. Create it on paper. Know exactly what your goals are and keep them in front of you if you want to create the path to success.

Each New Year brings us the possibility of achieving our goals. In truth, every day we have this same possibility to step into our dreams and make them a reality. January simply reminds us of that daily opportunity. So yes, write your resolutions and make your goals. Here are three steps you can take to remember those goals each and every day of this year.

Accomplish Your Goals & Dreams

In order to accomplish your goals and your dreams, you must first know what they are! You must know with unwavering certainty exactly what you want, where you see yourself, and where you want to be next year at this same time. Often we have a general idea – I wish I was in my dream job, I want to own my own business – and we feel discouraged that we aren’t there yet. But where is there? You must define and refine your goals. What is your dream job? What business do you see yourself running? Name it. Design it. Create it on paper. Know exactly what your goals are and keep them in front of you if you want to create the path to success.

Be at Peace

In September 2014, Real Simple magazine asked readers to share what success means to them. Being at peace was one of the top answers as proof that they were a success. It is vital to your success that you experience both peace and motivation. Both will keep you moving forward. Steve Harvey, comedian and author of the book Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success, has said that the ‘road to success is always under construction’. If you are waiting to arrive at your destination to feel peace, you may never get there, for as this quote implies, your success is always about your growing and moving forward. Keep growing and your success will grow. Learn to be at peace in the transitions, in the resting places, and in the leaps forward. Your sense of peace that you are moving in the direction you should be going, comes from having those detailed goals. That peace will motivate you to keep going forward.

Create Financial Stability

Another important aspect of success identified in Real Simple’s survey was being financially stable. If you wait to start your business or step forward in your career until you are completely set financially, may mean you never start. It may mean you spend your time securing your finances rather than living your dream. For your business dreams to come to fullness, you need to have a plan. That is the key to your success—have a financial plan and follow it to get you where you want to go.

In September 2014, Real Simple magazine asked readers to share what success means to them. Being at peace was one of the top answers as proof that they were a success. It is vital to your success that you experience both peace and motivation. Both will keep you moving forward. Steve Harvey, comedian and author of the book Act Like a Success, Think Like a Success, has said that the ‘road to success is always under construction’. If you are waiting to arrive at your destination to feel peace, you may never get there, for as this quote implies, your success is always about your growing and moving forward. Keep growing and your success will grow. Learn to be at peace in the transitions, in the resting places, and in the leaps forward. Your sense of peace that you are moving in the direction you should be going, comes from having those detailed goals. That peace will motivate you to keep going forward.

Create Financial Stability

Another important aspect of success identified in Real Simple’s survey was being financially stable. If you wait to start your business or step forward in your career until you are completely set financially, may mean you never start. It may mean you spend your time securing your finances rather than living your dream. For your business dreams to come to fullness, you need to have a plan. That is the key to your success—have a financial plan and follow it to get you where you want to go.